


Not Freaking Out

by TinCanTelephone



Series: Perfection is Overrated [4]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: (seriously you were warned), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Flangst?, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I don't want the tags to give too much away, Vomiting, cassian has no chill, flungst?, married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-12-07 23:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11634399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinCanTelephone/pseuds/TinCanTelephone
Summary: Jyn2:16 pmFYI, i'm going home early. don't freak out.Jyn2:20 pmout of curiosity, did u have any of my pad thai last night?Jyn's pretty sure she just has food poisoning. Cassian's pretty sure she's wrong. Either way, he's having a hard time not freaking out about it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Companion to and in the same universe as "Change of Plans." Takes place a year or so later. 
> 
>    
> Warning: Medical liberties probably taken! I did some research, but I am a writer, not a doctor. Please forgive me for any inaccuracies.

**Jyn** 2:16 pm  
_FYI, i'm going home early. don't freak out._

 **Jyn** 2:20 pm  
_out of curiosity, did u have any of my pad thai last night?_

 **Jyn** 3:42 pm  
_i know ur prob working but can u get some ginger ale and oyster crackers or something on the way home?_

 **Jyn** 3:44 pm  
_still don't freak out_

 **Jyn** 4:10 pm  
_while ur at it, grab a thing of febreeze. the unscented kind._

 **Jyn** 4:13 pm  
_also lmk when ur coming home. just curious._

 **Jyn** 4:14 pm  
_Don't freak out_

 

Cassian stared at the string of texts that appeared when he finally got back to the station and bummed a phone charger off Kay. The last one was from nearly 45 minutes ago and despite her assurances, he was definitely freaking out. He began throwing his stuff together and shuffled through his jacket looking for his wallet and keys.

Kay looked up from his computer. "Cassian, we still have paperwork to do. You said we should do it while the case is still fresh in our minds."

"I know. I'll help you tomorrow. I have to go home."

"Why?"

Cassian barely glanced up. "Jyn's been texting. I think something's wrong." He tapped a frantic message back, relying heavily on autocorrect.

 

 **Cassian** 4:58 pm  
_I'm so sorry Kay and I were out on a case and I forgot to charge my phone last night so it died. I'm so so sorry, I will definitely get all of those things. What's wrong? Are you okay? Pls RSVP._

 **Jyn** 4:59 pm  
_i think i have food poisoning or something. whatever. my stomach is trying to turn itself inside out. hence the ginger ale._

 **Jyn** 4:59 pm  
_also i told u not to freak out_

 

Cassian began to text back, then shook his head and called her. He bounced on his heels in the elevator as he waited for her to pick up. How could he not freak out after texts like that?

He let out a sigh of relief and practically ran to his car when he heard her pick up.

"Hello?" She sounded kind of tired, but definitely alive and breathing.

"Jyn? Are you okay? What happened? How long have you been like this?"

"I told you not to freak out." A hint of irritation crept into her voice.

"No, I won't calm down until you tell me what's happening." Cassian threw himself into the car and put his phone on speaker.

"Seriously, it's nothing to freak out about. I felt kinda queasy this morning and then I puked at work after lunch. Then a few more times at home. It's literally just food poisoning."

"Are you sure? I had some of the pad Thai last night and I'm fine."

"Yeah well I brought in the leftovers for lunch. Maybe it went bad. I dunno. Just please get me some fucking saltines or something. I swear everything in this place is covered in grease."

"Okay. Yes. I will do that. I'm on my way right now. Do you need anything else? Besides the ginger ale and air freshener?"

He heard her shuffling around in the background. "Just come home." She hung up.

Cassian's hands tensed over the steering wheel and he tried to stay within ten miles of the speed limit. He didn't care what she said, something was definitely wrong if she was talking like that, and he was definitely right to be freaking out.

 

* * *

 

Their bedroom door was closed when Cassian got home, so he went directly to the kitchen, thinking Jyn might be sleeping. He poured a glass of ginger ale so it would flatten a bit and shook some saltines into a bowl for when she woke up. Then he poked around the fridge and and found some leftover chicken to make into a sandwich. He suspected he would be the only one eating tonight, so there was no reason to put much more effort into dinner.

He'd been home for around fifteen minutes when Jyn shuffled into the kitchen, pale and pinch-faced. She was wearing leggings and woolly socks and one of his old college sweatshirts. Her arms were wrapped around her and her stringy hair was tied in a very loose ponytail at the base of her neck.

Cassian sighed, half in relief and half out of sympathy. She looked awful. " _Dios mío_ , I'm so sorry. I would have come home earlier but my phone died and I didn't–"

"It's fine," she said. "You're here now."

"Jyn…" He gathered her in his arms and pressed her to his chest. She didn't feel feverish, which was something. She actually felt a little cold, and he rubbed her arms a few times. He bent his neck and whispered to her, "I'm so sorry, _mi amor_ , if there's anything–"

She stiffened.

"What is it?"

She craned her neck away from him.

He leaned closer. "Jyn, what's wrong?"

She tore away from him and vomited into the sink. It looked like she'd tried to drink water earlier. He tried to lean over her to comfort her, rub her back or something, but she leaned away and put a hand on his chest. "Your breath," she croaked. "I can smell the chick–" She swallowed. "I can smell it on your breath."

Against every instinct in his body, Cassian took two steps backward and fisted his hand in his hair to keep from reaching out to her. "I'm sorry Jyn, I didn't think– what can I do?"

She shook her head, still leaning over the sink. "I don't know. I'm so _fucking_ nauseous I can't–" She swallowed again and took a few breaths through her mouth. "I just can't."

"I bought some ginger ale like you asked. You're probably dehydrated." He reached for the glass on the table.

She shook her head. "I changed my mind. Just water."

"Of course." He filled a different glass, held it at arm's length out to her.

She accepted it and took a few tiny sips, one hand still gripping the counter.

He watched her with his hands pressed to his side. She looked so sick and miserable it felt wrong to be standing this far away from her. He should be holding her, comforting her, doing everything he could to make her feel better. But he was afraid to step closer, afraid it would upset her stomach again. He felt himself taking shorter breaths.

She regarded him carefully over the glass. "You're freaking out."

"I'm not."

"You are." Jyn set the glass aside still mostly full and took a shaky breath. She ran a hand through her hair. "I know it looks really bad now, but I'll be better tomorrow, I promise. Please don't worry too much."

"Okay."

She knew he was lying, but didn't say anything. "I'm going to go to bed. I know it's early but I'm honestly too tired to stand anymore."

"Okay." His hands twitched. "Can I…?" He took a hesitant step forward. "I'll hold my breath."

Her face crumpled and for a moment Cassian thought she might cry. He closed the distance between them before she finished nodding and held her tight. She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed back. When he couldn't hold his breath any longer he craned his neck away and tried to exhale as far from her face as possible.

He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. "Come on," he murmured over her head. "Let's get you to bed." Almost instinctively, he moved to try and pick her up, carry her bridal style like he used to back when they first met.

She swatted his arm lazily, her face still pressed against his chest. "We talked about you doing that."

It was so like her usual self he nearly rolled his eyes. He put his back out _one_ time… "Sorry," he muttered. But he kept his arm around her as he led her to the bedroom, only letting go as she slipped under the comforter. He left a full glass of water on her bedside table and went back to the living room to try and do some of the paperwork he hadn't been able to finish at work.

It wasn't any good. He couldn't get through one form without googling _common symptoms of food poisoning_ and _home remedies for the stomach flu_. He wasn't positive which one Jyn had yet, although he was leaning towards the latter. He was fairly certain the pad Thai hadn't gone bad over one night, and she hadn't eaten anything else that could've caused this level of… upset. He'd never known her to have a weak stomach. When he broke his nose two years ago during a pick-up soccer game, Bodhi had turned pale and nearly fainted but Jyn hardly blinked before finding a towel to soak up the blood and was the only one who stayed remotely calm during the subsequent drive to the ER.

 _The ER_. He tapped his pencil nervously on his laptop. He didn't much like hospitals or doctors. Sure, his own couple of stays had been less than pleasant, but he'd also spent a few terrible nights in stiff plastic chairs, waiting for a fellow officer to wake up after surgery. Or, in one case, not wake up. Doctors, in his opinion, specialized in false hope more often than not.

He shook his head. This morbid line of thought was pointless. Jyn was fine. Would be fine. Whatever it was, she would probably still be sick tomorrow, but she'd be back to normal by the weekend.

He realized his pencil was tapping again.

 

* * *

 

"You did _what_?" The effect Jyn's question was somewhat diluted by the fact that it was half directed into the toilet.

"I took the rest of the week off work." Cassian held out a wet washcloth from where he was sitting on the edge of the tub, which she pressed to her forehead.

" _Why_?"

"To take care of you, of course. Jyn, you're– this looks really bad. I don't want you to get dizzy and pass out and hit your head or–"

Jyn groaned loudly and slumped against the toilet. "I thought I told you not to freak out."

"I'm not."

"Ugh, you totally are. Please stop tapping your fingers. It's making my head hurt."

Cassian clenched his hand. "Sorry. It's because you're dehydrated."

She grunted.

"Do you want to try some ginger ale? Something with some sugar in it?"

Another grunt.

"…Maybe some saltines?"

Jyn raised her head and swallowed. "Please don't talk about food."

"Okay. Sorry." Cassian sat back and bit the inside of his cheek, fingers still clenched to keep from tapping them. "What can I do?"

She sat back against the bathroom wall, eyes closed. "Just get me some water. Please."

"Of course."

She was still in the same position when he came back. She held out her hand and took the glass without opening her eyes. "It's not fair."

He returned his seat on the edge of the tub. "I know, I'm sorry."

"No. It's not fair that you're staying. When you got the flu, you made me go to work."

"That's different."

"How?"

"It just is. I actually slept all day. You might… need me." He shifted uncomfortably on the edge of the tub. That was never the right thing to say to Jyn but he couldn't think of a better answer.

She glared at him. "I'm fine." Her eyes were beginning to look slightly bruised from the vomiting and she looked exhausted.

He stared back at her.

She closed her eyes. "I mean– I will be. I just don't want you to worry so much. It's the stomach flu for fuck's sake."

"I'd worry less if I'm here," he said. "And– I don't know, are you sure it's just the stomach flu? I was looking on WebMD last night and I–"

She opened her eyes. "Dear God, please don't tell me you consulted the internet."

"I just wanted to see–"

"Cassian, those sites always give you the worst-case scenarios. I'm not dying."

His jaw clenched. "I know."

She looked at the floor. "Sorry."

He took a deep breath. He didn't want to argue right now. "Jyn, something doesn't add up," he said.

"What doesn't add up?"

"This." He gestured vaguely at her. "Your symptoms. You don't have a fever or diarrhea or–"

"So? Is the constant puking not enough?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

Jyn sighed. "I know I said this yesterday, but I _will_ be fine tomorrow."

"I know. But…" He hesitated. "But if you're not, I think we should go to the hospital. Or Urgent Care. Or something. Okay?"

She stared at him. "Okay." She rested her head on the wall behind her.

"Do you want to lie down?"

"It's the middle of the afternoon."

"You'll be more comfortable."

"Fine." She didn't drink any of the water, but he left it by the bed.

 

While Jyn was presumably asleep, Cassian settled on the couch with his laptop. Again, he found himself unable to focus. He kept glancing towards the bedroom door and his fingers continued to twitch towards his web browser. He hadn't exactly expected her to be back to normal, but she was no better than last night. If anything, she was worse. Nothing stayed down– she'd already thrown up four times today, even crackers and water. Everything seemed to make her nauseous, down to the smell of the plain oatmeal he'd microwaved for breakfast. Cassian was still afraid to breathe too near her face or make himself anything hot for lunch.

He shook his head and took a deep breath, re-settling his fingers over the keyboard. It was fine. Jyn would be fine. Like she kept saying, he shouldn't freak out.

 

* * *

 

He managed to stay focused on work for a solid three hours, then he decided to check on Jyn. He lightly toasted two pieces of bread just in case she was feeling up to it, and slowly opened the door to their room.

Jyn was curled up under the blankets, but she wasn't asleep. Her hand was fisted around the covers and he could see the tension in her body from the doorway. He put down the toast and hurried to her side.

"Jyn. Jyn, are you okay? What's wrong?"

Her fist clenched tighter and Cassian noticed her eyes were squeezed shut, even though the room was dark. Her jaw was locked but her lips were parted and he could see her taking short, shallow breaths through her teeth.

He started rubbing her shoulder and back, trying to get her to relax. "Please say something. Did you get any sleep?"

"Maybe. An hour." She never unlocked her teeth, and her voice came out thin and reedy, barely over a whisper.

"Only an hour? Why didn't you tell me if you woke up feeling this bad?"

She still hadn't opened her eyes. "Couldn't. Can't move. Too nauseous."

Cassian felt his stomach clench. "Jyn, maybe we should go to the hospital."

She didn't say anything, and his heart sank. If she wasn't protesting, it was because she couldn't. And if that was the case, she definitely needed a doctor.

"Can you sit up?"

She finally opened her eyes. "I'm going to be sick." Her words came out all in a rush and Cassian reached behind him for the trash can. He slipped an arm under her and pulled her upright and over the bin, holding her against his chest as she retched. She hadn't eaten in so long it was nothing but bile, and Cassian could see tears leaking out of her eyes.

"Shh, shh. It's okay. You'll be alright. You're okay. You're okay." He rubbed her shoulders and tried to get his nerves under control. He had to be the calm one now.

 

Jyn threw up in the car on the way to the hospital, leaning over the bin from their bedroom, then again when they entered the ER. Thankfully, it wasn't busy and they got the attention of a triage nurse relatively quickly. She gently pried Jyn away from Cassian, who tried to get his hands to stop shaking as he filled out a form with their insurance information.

"Is she taking any medications?"

He shook his head. "Uhh…just, you know. The pill."

"How long has she been vomiting?"

"Since yesterday afternoon. We thought it was food poisoning or the stomach flu but it hasn't gotten better. She hasn't been able to keep anything down…" He trailed off as Jyn was led away from the triage area. He leaned around the intake nurse, trying to see where she was going.

"Sir?" The nurse glanced at the form. "Mr. Andor, your wife is being seen to. Does she have any allergies that you know of?"

Cassian frantically tried to calm the anxious buzzing in his mind to come up with accurate answers to her questions. They seemed endless, and he found it hard to pay close attention to her when he couldn't see Jyn.

"Sir? Sir."

What was she saying? "I'm sorry." He tore his eyes away from the hallway where Jyn had disappeared and re-focused on the nurse.

"I said, is there any chance she might be pregnant?"

All at once, the buzzing stopped. Cassian blinked. "No." He frowned. They hadn't used protection since before they were married, because Jyn was on the pill… but it wasn't impossible to get pregnant on the pill, right? "Well, maybe, I don't know." His need to see Jyn suddenly tripled as a whole new set of reasons to panic flooded his mind and he looked around the nurse again, shifting his weight and wondering what to do with his hands. "Where is she? I need to see her."

The nurse tried to get his attention again. "Mr. Andor, Sir. Someone is drawing her blood and we're going to run some tests." She put a hand on his arm. "But first, you need to calm down."

Cassian clenched his fists and focused on taking deep breaths. He finally focused on the nurse and nodded. "Okay. I understand."

She regarded him carefully, but led him down the hall to a room labeled Exam Room 4.

Jyn was lying on the bed, an IV in her arm and a kidney dish within reach. She turned her head when the door opened and reached for him with her free arm. Cassian practically ran towards her. She was cold and deathly pale except for the bruising around her eyes. He grasped one of her hands and moved the other across her brow, stroking her sweaty skin and peeling damp strands of hair off her forehead.

"Did they tell you what they think?" he murmured.

She nodded.

"Is it… is it possible?"

She shuffled closer to him, her head bobbing up and down.

Cassian began rubbing her leg. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what she wanted. If they were hoping to hear the same thing.

They were still silent when the doctor came in. She nodded at him and pulled up a chair. She spoke softly and leaned forward. "Ms. Erso, your blood test came back."

Cassian felt his heart beating in his ears. His hand tightened around Jyn's.

"And you are in fact pregnant. Probably around five weeks."

Jyn lurched upright with a look of wild urgency and Cassian shoved the kidney dish under her chin just in time. He rubbed her back and whispered soft words in Spanish into her ear, suddenly too overwhelmed to come up with the translations. His mind was racing and he was trying not to let it turn into outright panic.  _Pregnant_. _Holy shit_. _Holy_ shit. There was a baby growing in Jyn right now. Another human. _Their_ human.

The doctor continued when Jyn was finished. "You don't have a fever or severe abdominal pain, so I would say that the pregnancy the most likely cause of the vomiting. I can prescribe some anti-emetics for tonight, but I would advise you to make an appointment with your regular OB as soon as you are able."

"Of course," said Cassian. Jyn seemed frozen in his arms.

"I suspect you have a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum, or severe vomiting during pregnancy. The standard treatment is a plain diet and medication, which your doctor can help you with. The main thing will be controlling the nausea and making sure you don't lose too much weight." The doctor paused. "Of course, if you decide this isn't something you want, there are… other options."

"I want it," Jyn said suddenly. Her eyes flickered up to Cassian's.

He squeezed her hand. "Yes. We want it."

 

* * *

 

It was dark by the time Jyn was released after another round of fluids and anti-emetics through the IV. They went to bed as soon as they got home. Although the drugs seemed to be working and Jyn hadn't thrown up since the hospital, she did not express any interest in food, and Cassian didn't want to push the issue tonight. He wasn't feeling all that hungry himself.

Jyn was lying on her side turned away from him. She hadn't said much since the emergency room and Cassian wondered if she was too tired to talk about any of this tonight.

He thought she was asleep when she suddenly turned over. "This is going to be hard."

He turned his head to look at her, waited for her to elaborate.

"This… pregnancy thing."

He wasn't sure what to say.

"The doctor said this would last for months. Possibly until the baby is born."

"Apparently that's rare–"

"But– what if I can't work?"

He really, desperately hoped that wouldn't be the case, not because of the money but because he didn't want to imagine Jyn so sick she couldn't work for months. He swallowed. "We'll be okay."

She looked at him for another minute then rolled onto her back.

He turned his head so he was staring at the ceiling again. He listened to her breathing parallel to him, and tried to match it. She was acting so _calm_ about everything. His mind was going a million miles a second and his thoughts were blurring together. It felt like he was thinking of everything and nothing all at once.

"Are you sure?" she said after a long silence.

"Of course. We'll figure something out."

She looked at him again. "I mean– are you sure… about this? I mean… do you _really_ want it?" her hand fell to her midsection, where Cassian could imagine a tiny Jyn, barely more than a cluster of cells, but _beautiful_ and _wonderful_ and _alive_ –

He sat up so he could look at Jyn properly, tried to make out her face in the gloom. "Yes, I do. More than– more than anything, but–"

"But what?" She pushed herself up against the headboard, still looking at him. He wasn't sure what kind of answer she was looking for.

"Jyn, I love you so much, and I want a family, but… I'm just worried."

Jyn gripped the sheets. "Why can't we just be happy about this?" She took a deep breath. "I want this, too, Cassian. We should be happy. We should be celebrating."

Cassian rubbed his face. "I'm sorry, it's just hard to celebrate when…"

"When you're freaking out."

"Yeah."

She picked at a loose thread in the duvet.

He hesitated. "If it helps, I'd probably be freaking out now matter how we found out."

"Yeah, but then it would be a lot easier to convince you you're wrong," she said. She wouldn't look at him, just stared at her hands in her lap.

 _She must be terrified_. The realization felt like a slap in the face and he felt a surge of guilt. Now was not the time to be wallowing in his own fears and anxieties. "Come here." He shifted so he was lying down and pulled her gently into his shoulder.

She put an arm around his ribs and curled into his side.

He kissed her forehead and held her tight, rubbing slow circles on her back. "I'm sorry. I know you're scared–"

"You're scared, too," she mumbled into his chest.

He nodded. "I am." He squeezed her tighter. "But everything will be okay. _You_ will be okay. I promise. And I'll be here for you the entire time."

She relaxed against him and sighed, like she was almost asleep. "All the way?"

"All the way."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short, kind of cutesy follow-up I couldn't help writing.
> 
> Thanks to @Hooda for the idea of a pregnancy reveal! Although it got angsty and I couldn't take it as far as I wanted…

Cassian squinted at his computer screen and rubbed his eyes. He'd been staring at this report for going on two hours and wasn't making much progress. The words kept blurring in front of him and his mind kept wandering. He should go grocery shopping. He was pretty sure they were running low on everything, but neither of them had been eating much recently. He should also probably put gas in the car. And maybe stop at the library and pick up some books. What did Jyn like? No romance, probably mysteries. Something with a little excitement…

"Andor!"

Cassian's head snapped around so fast he got dizzy.

Draven frowned at the state of Cassian's report over his shoulder. "I'd like to speak with you, if you're not busy."

"Yes sir," Cassian muttered. He heaved himself upright and followed Draven into his office.

"Have a seat."

Cassian sat and braced himself. Draven looked like he was in a bad mood, angrily shoving files into cabinets behind his desk.

Finally, he turned around and leaned over his desk. "I caught several careless mistakes in the last report you filed."

Right. The one he filed late on what he was pretty sure was four hours of sleep. "Sorry, Sir."

"This is unusual for you, Detective."

"I know. It won't happen again."

Draven stared at him carefully for another minute, then leaned back. "I noticed you finally plan on taking the Sergeant's exam."

"That's correct, Captain."

"I've been telling you to take it for some time now. Why the sudden change of heart?"

"I… felt it was the right time." Cassian kept his face as blank as he could, but it was hard to hide things from Draven.

"Mm. How are things at home?" he said abruptly.

Cassian stiffened. That was a trick question, he was sure of it. Draven never really cared to hear much about his squad's personal lives. "They're fine, sir."

Draven quirked an eyebrow.

Cassian braced himself. He was too tired to handle an interrogation from his Captain right now. He knew he was sleep deprived and distracted, but he wasn't ready to have this discussion with Draven just yet.

Maybe Draven saw it in his face. "Thank you, Detective. Dismissed."

Cassian tried to contain a sigh of relief and shuffled out of the office.

Kes Dameron caught him on his way back to his desk. "I'm going to grab some coffee. You in?"

 _Coffee_. Cassian couldn't remember the last time he had coffee. "Yes."

 

The coffee shop across the street from the precinct was called Whills Coffee, but the detectives casually referred to it as the temple, because it was open late and felt like nothing short of a godsend during all-nighters. The whole precinct knew the owner, a burly ex-mercenary, and his blind husband, who had performed Jyn and Cassian's wedding ceremony.

Cassian ordered the most caffeinated thing they had, tried not to flinch at the price, and slid into a booth across from Kes. He took a sip and swallowed the undignified groan that rose in his throat. As much as he wanted to support local businesses, he tried not to make a habit of buying coffee. He preferred to make it in his french press in the morning and keep it in a thermos, but lately that hadn't been an option.

"You look like you needed that," said Kes.

Cassian rubbed his eyes. "You have no idea."

Kes took a slow sip of from his mug. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine."

Kes frowned. "Really? You look… well, you just look exhausted, is all. Like, going on weeks now. Is something going on?"

Cassian rubbed his forehead. He was hesitant to talk about this. He and Jyn hadn't told anyone outside their immediate families. Things just seemed too uncertain right now. Everything felt so overwhelming already without having to explain it to people over and over.

Then again, maybe it would be good to talk to someone. That was a thing, right? Christ, he was tired.

"Cassian?" Dammit, Kes was looking worried.

He took a deep breath. "Jyn's pregnant."

"Oh my God, man, that's awesome! Congratulations! How– y'know, how far along is she? When did you find out?"

"Ten weeks or so. We found out last month."

"And you didn't tell anyone? Or am I just the last to know?"

"No, we haven't told anyone." Cassian paused. "Well, Kay figured it out. He said it was based on changes in my behavior or something, but I think he saw a doctor's appointment on my calendar."

Kes smiled and shook his head. "That guy…" He saw Cassian's expression and trailed off. "So what's the matter? That's amazing!"

Cassian closed his eyes. This was what he was afraid of. "Jyn's been sick, and I…" He couldn't find the words.

Kes looked sympathetic. "Oh, hey, man, that's normal. When Shara was pregnant, for the first couple months she puked like, every other morning." He chuckled. "And at the sight of eggs. She wouldn't even let me keep them in the fridge."

Cassian pressed his head to his hands. It was all going to come out, he could feel it. Kes had asked and he was going to start talking and not be able to stop. "No, I mean… I mean she was _really_ sick, Kes. I mean, if she only puked six times in a day, that was _good_. If she could hold down more than a few saltines, it's a fucking miracle. Since we found out, she's been in the hospital… three times? four times? and on a million different drugs, which work for a while, then they have to up the dose again. The IV fluids and drugs work the best but they've been hard on her veins and the doctor's talking about a PICC line? Whatever that is… but it sounds bad. And expensive, insurance doesn't cover nearly as much as we hoped–" He broke off and took a deep breath.

Kes was staring at him.

He ran a shaking hand through his hair. "Sorry. It's exciting and we want to tell people but with everything going on it's just… a lot."

Kes blinked and shook his head. "Oh my God, _I'm_ sorry, I had no idea. That sounds… that sounds awful. I don't blame you for not telling anyone. How's… how's Jyn handling it?"

"She's… okay, I guess. Considering. Some days are better than others. She's frustrated because she had to stop working."

"Really?"

"Yeah, she's on disability leave now. At first she just tried reducing her hours but the past couple weeks have been… really rough. She keeps losing weight and she feels like it's her fault… I don't know. I don't know how to help or what to do." Cassian drained his coffee.

"I'm really sorry, Cassian. I hope she feels better. If there's anything I can do, just let me know."

"Thanks. I will."

 

* * *

 

Jyn was sitting on the sofa when Cassian came home, staring dully at the TV. He put down his bag and sat next to her, pulling her under his arm. She curled into him and he rubbed her shoulder.

"How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Okay."

"Really?"

"The Reglan's helping, I think."

"Have you tried eating anything?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to ruin it."

"Ruin what?"

"Not throwing up."

Cassian sighed and pulled her closer so she was nearly sitting in his lap, running his hands up and down her side. She was wearing two more layers under her sweatshirt, but he was sure her bones were sharper than they used to be. "You should really try to eat something. Even just a little." She'd lost over seven pounds already and he was desperate to keep her from losing more.

She shook her head again.

Cassian reached into his bag and pulled out a graham cracker left over from his lunch. He broke it in half and held it to her mouth. "Can you at least try?"

Jyn closed her eyes and bit a small piece off the corner. She swallowed and turned her head away. "No."

"Jyn, come on."

She pushed the graham cracker away. "I said _no_."

Cassian put the cracker aside. "I'm sorry." He held her tighter. "I'm just worried."

"I know. I _want_ to eat something, I do. But I can't. Not right now."

His chest tightened. She felt so small in his arms and sounded so defeated and… un-Jyn-like. And he felt helpless. She was sick because of _their_ child and he couldn't do a thing about it. "I'm sorry."

Her arms snaked around him. "I wish my mom were here."

Cassian swallowed. She never talked about her mother. Ever. He didn't know what to say. He just kept rubbing her back, slow and steady. I'm _here. I'm here_.

"I was thinking… if it's a girl I wanted to name her Lyra. Or at least her middle name, if you don't like it."

Cassian's hand stilled. "Of course I like it, Jyn. It's beautiful."

"Little Lyra Andor," she murmured into his chest. She sniffed and Cassian realized she was crying.

He drew back. "What is it?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know." She leaned back into him. "Can I blame it on hormones?"

He went back to rubbing her shoulders. "Sure." He kissed her temple. "Jyn…"

"Yeah?"

"I told Kes today what's going on. He was really excited to hear it. He said he hoped you feel better."

She grunted. "I wish we could just tell people and be excited with them."

"Me, too."

"I'm just…" She took a shaky breath and put a hand on her still-flat stomach. "I want her to be okay."

Cassian put his hand over hers. "She _will_ be," he said. "She's tough. Just like her mother."

Jyn sniffed again and wiped her eyes. "You know, we're going to feel really stupid if it's not a girl."

Cassian's lips twitched. "I'm looking forward to it."

She smacked his arm. "Does that mean you hope it's a boy?"

"Well…" Cassian smirked. "I can't be outnumbered in my own house, can I?"

"We live in an apartment."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "For now."

Jyn stared at him.

"I mean– not– well– we only have one bedroom." He could feel his face burning. "And it doesn't– you know, we don't have to look _right now_ , or even _soon_ , but I was thinking– eventually…" He faltered.

A slow smile spread across Jyn's face and fresh tears dribbled down her cheeks.

Cassian could only stare. He didn't know if he'd ever get used to this new, teary Jyn. "What?"

"Nothing." She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face to his chest. He could feel tears soaking through his shirt. "Let's get a house together."

He squeezed her back. "After the baby comes."

"Right. We have to make sure she likes it."

" _He_."

Jyn wiggled closer to him. "Nope. She. I'm leaning into it now."

Cassian grinned. Truthfully, he didn't care either way, but if it distracted Jyn from their current worries, he'd argue the point as long as he possibly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for kudos/comments! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another surprise sequel!
> 
> Because people kept asking for an angst-free fluffy ending. 
> 
> Also, this is getting very trope-y… but I'm leaning into it.

"And that," Jyn put the pill in her mouth and tossed it back with a glass of water. "Is my last dose of Zofran. No more nausea, no more puking, just heartburn, backaches, and constipation." She turned away from the bathroom mirror with a triumphant grin on her face.

Cassian smiled back from the doorway. His eyes flicked briefly down to her small bump before coming back to her face. "I said you'd be better by 20 weeks."

Jyn smacked his arm. "You so didn't. You said 'you hoped.'"

Cassian shrugged. "What's wrong with hoping?" He followed her into the kitchen, where she began poking through the cabinets for a snack. "I was thinking… now that you're feeling better, we could go out somewhere."

"Like where?" Jyn found a box of cinnamon graham crackers and turned around.

"Like… Yavin IV."

"You didn't."

Cassian smirked. "I did. I called when the doctor said we could wean you off the meds."

"Oh my God, when is the reservation?" She took out a cracker and began licking the cinnamon side.

"Two weeks– you'd get out of the apartment and it would be really romantic."

Jyn glared at the box in her hands.

Cassian stepped forward. "What's wrong? I mean, we could go somewhere else if you wanted, or I could cook here, I just thought–"

Jyn looked up. "Nothing, but– you do realize I have nothing to wear to Yavin IV."

"What?"

She rolled her eyes and gestured vaguely to her torso. "I don't know if you know this, but all of my nice outfits don't really work with the whole _five months pregnant_ thing. And I haven't exactly been able to go shopping, so…"

Cassian blinked. Duh. "Oh. Well, then you should go shopping."

Jyn groaned. "So I can spend a lot of money on a nice outfit that won't fit in two months?"

"Well, I didn't mean–"

She waved a hand at him. "Yeah, I know. You know how I feel about shopping."

"I'm sure Shara would go with you."

"She'd be _too_ excited to go with me." She shoved another cracker into her mouth. "Besides, I'm still catching up at work. When am I going to find time to go shopping?"

"You have two weeks. Go next Saturday. Kes and I will watch Poe." It would be perfect. Jyn would get some time to herself and Cassian would get a chance to hang out with a kid.

Jyn groaned, but Cassian could see her smiling. "This sounds like something out of a sappy romance story."

Cassian grinned. "You love it."

She tried to glare at him. "Tell anyone and I'll divorce you."

He leaned against the counter next to her and put an arm around her shoulder. "I wouldn't dream of it."

 

* * *

 

Between work and Jyn's pregnancy, Cassian hadn't seen Poe in a while. He remembered a cute little kid with black curls barely walking around and obsessed with trains. He was rather nervous– this was kind of like a test run. He could see how he managed around a child four months before their son or daughter was actually born.

As Jyn and Shara left for the mall, Kes invited him in and Cassian glanced around at the living room. "What happened to your baseboard?" Someone had taken crayons to the white trim and several areas were covered in red, green, and blue scribbles.

Kes clapped him on the shoulder. "If you ask me 'the terrible two's' should extend to the three's and four's. Come on into the kitchen, I'm re-heating lentil soup for us and you can make Poe peanut butter and jelly."

Poe was sitting on a few telephone books at the kitchen table, absorbed in a coloring book.

Kes kissed the top of his head and ruffled his hair. "Hey buddy, remember Cassian?"

Poe looked suspicious and leaned away.

Cassian smiled. "It's okay, Poe. I'm friends with your Mama and Papa."

Poe regarded him carefully, then went back to coloring.

Cassian leaned over. "So do you like airplanes?"

Poe nodded without looking up.

Kes rolled his eyes. "It's all we hear about. Shara's really into it, of course, but I'm ready to talk about literally anything else. How's Jyn?" He leaned against the counter and stirred a pot of soup.

"A lot better. Still underweight, according to the doctor, but the nausea and vomiting have tapered off. Where are your knives?" Cassian took out the fixings for PB&J.

"To the left of the dishwasher. That's great! Are you going to start actually telling people now?"

Cassian shrugged. "We've told people."

"Yeah, like, two. Does anyone at work even know besides me and Kay?"

"Jyn's coworkers. And Leia and Han."

"So… Bodhi and your friends from college. Come on, if you don't start telling people, Shara's going to get weird looks when she invites people to the baby shower."

 _Crap_. That hadn't even occurred to him between everything else that was going on. "You guys don't need to do that."

"Uhh, yes we do. Do you know how much _stuff_ you're going to need when the baby comes? And how much it's going to cost? Trust me, you need a baby shower." Kes took the soup off the stove and prepared two bowls.

"…Okay." Cassian put the sandwich in front of Poe sat down at the table. "Thank you, that's really nice."

Kes grinned. "You're welcome, but trust me, Shara's happy to do it." He opened a yogurt cup for Poe. "Don't tell Jyn about this, by the way. It's supposed to be a surprise."

Cassian grinned. "She's going to hate that."

Kes shrugged. "She'll just have to deal with it. But speaking of baby shower, I have to ask– boy or girl?"

Cassian hesitated, spoon halfway to his mouth. "Uhh, we didn't find out."

"What? Why?" Kes caught Poe's wrist before he spilled yogurt on himself. "How do you pick a name? Or a color to paint the room?"

"Well, we'll choose two names I guess, and… the baby won't have a room in our apartment. My mom's giving us my old bassinet and he or she will just sleep in our room at first."

"Dude, your place is _tiny_."

"I know, it's temporary."

Kes raised an eyebrow. "You mean you'll move to a bigger apartment? Or finally get a house like a real married couple?" He took a napkin to Poe's overalls, already dotted with yogurt drops. It was barely noon, but Poe's clothes were probably done for the day.

"Something like that."

Kes saw him staring. "Another thing that happens when you have a kid, you start doing laundry with _alarming_ frequency."

Jyn and Cassian lived on the fifth floor. Laundry was in the basement and the elevator was… unreliable.

"Scared yet?"

Cassian frowned. "Jyn wouldn't appreciate this, you know. She's been telling me to calm down this whole time."

Kes shrugged and smiled. "I just want you to be prepared."

"Consider me warned." Cassian turned his attention to the lentil soup.

Kes looked at Poe and nudged the plate forward. "You want some peanut-jelly sandwich now?"

Poe mumbled something under his breath.

Kes leaned closer. "What's that?"

"Triangles," Poe said.

Kes glanced at the sandwich. "Ohh."

 _'Ohh' what? What did I do?_ Cassian froze, wondering how he'd managed to screw up something this simple.

Kes held out half the sandwich to Poe. "I know it's different, buddy, but it still tastes the same, I promise."

Poe shook his head and leaned away.

"See?" Kes took a bite. "Mmmm."

Cassian leaned forward. "What's the matter, Poe? What's different?"

Poe shook his head again. " _Triangles_."

Kes sighed and stood up. "All right, Daddy'll make you a sandwich in triangles."

Cassian stood up as well. "What's going on?"

Kes was making another peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "Shara and I usually cut these diagonally, he won't eat it any other way."

Cassian stared. "…That doesn't make any sense."

Kes shrugged. "Welcome to the total irrationality of small children."

 

After lunch, Kes put Poe down for a nap then joined Cassian in the living room. He tossed some toys on the coffee table to make space on the couch and still managed to sit on something that contained a squeaker.

He looked at Cassian. "So do you think you're ready?"

"Not even a little bit." Cassian was fairly certain the Damerons only had one kid, how could their house be this full of _stuff?_ And he still hadn't gotten over the sandwich thing. He never would've thought the way you cut a sandwich would matter to anyone _that much_ , even a toddler. It had been a long time since Cassian had to solve a problem with something other than a reasonable argument or logical action. What was he going to _do_ with a child? Or a _baby?_

"Hey."

Cassian looked up.

"You'll be fine," said Kes. He leaned forward. "Look at us. I mean, this was our first time doing it and we figured it out."

Cassian tried to smile.

"Plus, you've got a few years before you get to picky eating and a living room full of toys."

Cassian nodded and took a deep breath. "I know… I think… between worrying about Jyn and what was happening to her… I forgot to worry about… everything else."

Kes nodded. "Yeah, that sounded awful. But, Cassian, you don't need to freak out about all this stuff yet. Jyn's fine, the baby's fine. I know you're bad at this, but just relax for a bit, okay?"

Cassian raised an eyebrow. "I can relax."

Kes leaned back. "Sure. Like Kay can connect with other humans."

"Hey, uncalled for. I've seen Kay tell a man with a bullet in his leg 'to please stop moaning about it.'"

 

* * *

 

"Did you get yourself something nice?" Cassian said when Jyn emptied her shopping bags on their bed.

She shrugged. "I guess. My criteria was 'a lot of elastic.'" She held up a skirt and demonstrated.

Cassian smiled. "Nice."

"I think so." She found spare hangers for all her new clothes, which actually included several rather pretty skirts and some blouses Cassian was excited to see her wear, and flopped down on the bed. "I'm so tired. And my feet hurt."

Cassian sat next to her and pulled her ankles into his lap.

"And my back hurts." But she was smiling, so he suspected she was mostly teasing him.

He smiled back. "Where do you want me to start?"

She thought about it. "Mmm, feet." She wiggled her toes in his lap.

"Okay."

She was silent for a while while he rubbed her feet. He wouldn't have said he was very good at it– he was making up his technique as he went along, but she claimed his hands were magical. He opened his mouth to tell her about Poe, then stopped. She stared at the ceiling with an easy, content expression. What did Kes say? _Just relax for now_. That's what Jyn seemed to be doing. He should just enjoy the moment.

Halfway through her right foot, she gasped and reached down, grabbing his hand and pressing it to her belly. "Feel that."

"Feel what?"

She was tense for a second, then relaxed and dropped his hand. "Never mind."

He kept his hand where she'd left it, made circles on the smooth skin with his thumb. "No, feel what?"

She sighed. "Never mind. I don't think you can feel it yet."

"No… you can?" He wondered what that felt like, something else moving around inside of you.

Another smile split Jyn's face and she nodded. "At the mall– I thought I was just hungry, but then we got pretzels and Shara said maybe it was the baby… and I _knew_."

"Jyn, that's– amazing." Cassian finished her foot massage and laid down next to her. She turned on her side to face him and his hand found her lower back. It seemed like there was so much more he could say, so much more he was feeling but he couldn't think of the words.

She pulled him close and kissed him. "I still think it's a girl," she said.

He kissed her back. "You know, we could've found out last month and ended this whole discussion."

"Now, where's the fun in that?"

He smiled. "You only want to wait because you know I'm right."

She wiggled closer to him. "No, I want to wait because I know you're wrong and I don't want to ruin it for you yet."

"Mmm, that sounds like denial to me," he murmured in her ear.

She kissed his jaw. "It's not. I'm right, you'll see." She kissed a line down his neck that always made his breath stutter.

 

* * *

 

Four months later, they did see. And Jyn was right. She murmured a weary "I told you so," from the hospital bed when he held their daughter for the first time.

But Cassian could only stare the tiny, beautiful face in awe and thought he could stand to be wrong a lot more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, _now_ it's over. (This story, not the series.)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!! Thank you as always for your comments and kudos!


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